Stories To Be

Bits and Pieces of my stories. Some posts here will be continuances of a story. Some will be details or ideas for a scene or other part of a story that isn't next but I don't want to forget. Each post will be titled with the name of the story it belongs to, to keep things from being confusing.

Stories In Progress

  • Bane of Death
  • Tabled Unfinished Stories

  • Troia
  • The Lost Song
  • New Mutants: Angel
  • The Unending Story
  • Finished Stories

  • End, The - Feint of Heart Warning
  • Faith Winterfields
  • Flight
  • Chronicles of Gaia
  • Project, The
  • What's At S.T.E.A.K.
  • Poems

  • Sense of Wonder
  • Happiness In Health
  • Thoughts
  • Anticipation (of News)

  • Please let me know what you think!  Comment or e-mail me.  Both positive and negitive critiques expected!

    Tuesday, May 24, 2005

    Expanded Scene: The Lost Song
    Continuing the Opening Sequence 

    {This takes place immediately after Rosemary's birth}

    By noon the next day rumors were circulating in the Uratha world. The coincidence of Annette's death followed by Rosemary's birth, of the timing and appearance of the eclipses during their births, and of Rosemary being Wolf-blooded, none of it was lost on the werewolves. Quite a bit of attention was turned the baby's way during the next few weeks, everyone hopeful she may have been sent to pick up the mantle of Annette. Letters and gifts welcoming the baby and wishing her blessings in her future swarmed the family. But locally no action was taken on the birth for a while, Arthur's pack and the local members of the lodge spent quite a lot of time grieving Annette's death.

    Eventually Arthur's Alpha could no longer ignore the swirling hypotheses centered on one technically in his care. He knew it wouldn't be long before the pressure started for official answers from him, or at least on his behalf. Not knowing where to start looking for those answers, he called on Arthur to arrange for a visit with the child.

    Belle was all a-twitter the day the Alpha was coming to meet Rosemary. She constantly moved about the house arranging and re-arranging everything light enough for her to move, fretting over every detail. Her friends had already helped her clean everything spotless, but she still worried.

    Arthur rolled his head and closed his eyes. His wife's incessant movements were wearing on him. He was amazed someone could be so active only a couple weeks after giving birth. "Honey!" he pleaded. "Trust me. My Alpha is only coming to see Rosemary. He won't even notice the house!"

    "How do I know that?!" she replied, her voice high with anxiety. "He didn't get to where he is by not paying attention to details!"

    Arthur sighed. Before he could reply, the doorbell rang.

    "That's him!" Belle gasped. She dashed off to the nursery.

    Arthur shook his head slightly as he stood and went to the door, half smirking at Belle's reactions on the way. Silently he hoped she wouldn't freeze up. His Alpha's presence tended to intimidate, and add to that the instinctive fear reaction of humans when in the presence of werewolves, he wasn't sure her being used to her husband being a werewolf would be enough.

    Arthur was surprised to see more people than he expected on the other side of the door. Accompanying his Alpha was the pack's record keeper, the lodge's local representative, and someone Arthur didn't recognize. Arthur greeted his Alpha with respect, then gestured inside. "Please, come in," he said to them all.

    The Alpha nodded. He took only enough steps for the three behind him to enter as well.

    "You don't have to dwell in the entryway," Belle's soft voice informed the group, sounding quite the contrast from a minute before. Arthur turned to see his wife cradling his daughter in her arms. She gazed peacefully on the baby, gently swaying from side to side. Ever since her birth, Rosemary had demonstrated a calming effect on any one who held her. Arthur still wondered if that was an effect every baby had or if it was a gift unique to his own.

    "We won't be long," the Alpha explained, "and we don't want to be an imposition."

    "Nonsense," Belle replied, and turned towards the living room. "You came to visit. Come in, sit down," she said as she walked away.

    The five werewolves followed her into the next room. Arthur indicated seats for the other four, then took up a position by his wife who had sat down in the rocking chair and was slowly moving back and forth for Rosemary's sake.

    "Now," Belle said with a smile, "what can we do for you?"

    "I apologize for taking so long to pay my respects," the Alpha started with. "I've...," he glanced in the direction of the representative from the lodge, effectively the one taking Annette's place, "been busy."

    "No need to," Belle replied with sympathy in her voice. "I'm sorry for your loss."

    "Thank you," the Alpha replied. He gestured towards Rosemary. "And congratulations to you both."

    Belle beamed, Arthur nodded. "Thank you," they said together.

    "Speaking of the baby," the representative prompted.

    "Yes, yes," the Alpha replied. He motioned for the one Arthur did not know to rise. "This is Mordred Pathfinder, a talented seer," he gave as an introduction.

    Belle frowned slightly, but otherwise her demeanor did not change enough for Arthur to determine what she was thinking. Mordred stood and bowed his head slightly.

    "Because of the circumstances," Arthur observed aloud.

    "Yes," Mordred and the Alpha replied.

    Arthur sensed Belle tense up next to him, and placed a hand on her shoulder to ease her.

    "My child," she whispered under her breath.

    "We just wish to know what her future holds," the Alpha stated the obvious at the same time.

    "Nothing will happen to her," Mordred assured Belle as he approached her and Rosemary. "I simply need to hold her."

    "No," Belle answered with as much authority as she could muster.

    "Arthur," the Alpha ordered.

    Arthur nodded and gestured for Mordred to continue.


    Belle narrowed her eyes at Mordred. She watched him step up to her chair, only moving enough to keep her eyes trained on him. Once it was clear Belle was not going to hand the baby up to him, Arthur leaned over and took Rosemary from Belle. He hesitated a moment, knowing form his wife's look at him he would pay for this later. But he turned Rosemary over to Mordred as was his duty.

    Mordred held her carefully in one arm. For the next several moments he slowly waved his other hand over her. While he was doing so, Rosemary woke. At first she just followed the motion of his hand. When she started making soft noises and seemingly gestured to grab his hand, Belle jumped up from her chair.

    "She's hungry."

    Arthur tightened his grip on Belle's shoulder, holding her back from Mordred.

    Belle started to vocalize her protest, but was cut off when one of Rosemary's small flailings managed to connect with Mordred's moving hand. A popping sound occurred and a spirit appeared, surprising everyone. It took the form of a little silver bird and alighted on Mordred's hand. As Rosemary coo-ed at the shiny form the bird looked down on her.

    "An avatar spirit," Mordred very quietly informed the room with a touch of awe.

    "Yes, she has a destiny," the bird chirped, the words sounding much like a tin bell ringing. "Many found and many lost. Hers is to save the future generation." With that proclamation the spirit disappeared, accompanied by another popping sound.

    Belle reacted first, grabbing Rosemary away from Mordred while the werewolves pondered the message. Her action surprised the rest, causing everyone to jump and react.

    Thankfully Mordred's reaction was to take a step back. Arthur had the benefit of having felt his wife pull away from him, and so managed to get between Belle and the rest before anything violent had a chance of occurring. All the sudden commotion scared Rosemary, who began to cry.

    "Now see what you've done!" Belle accused.

    Arthur reached behind himself and placed his hand on Belle. "You have what came for, yes?" he asked bluntly of those before him.

    "For now," the representative began to say.

    "Yes," the Alpha answered firmly over the representative. "We'll talk more later."

    Arthur nodded. He looked to Belle, making sure she was alright for the moment. She was intentionally ignoring everyone else and trying to quiet Rosemary. So he saw the other werewolves to the door. When he returned to the living room, he expected to be facing a fight. Instead he saw tears.

    "Belle..."

    "She's my child," Belle protested weakly. "They can't have her."

    Arthur wrapped his arms around her. "You knew it was possible any child of ours would grow to be Uratha," he reminded her, not understanding her sudden change of heart. "You were okay with it."

    "Yes, but this is different. Don't you hear it? Can't you see what's in their eyes? They're going to take her away," she lamented. "Losing my baby when she's a teenager to your world isn't the same as losing her while she's a baby!"

    Arthur held Belle as tight as he dared. He didn't have a reply. He honestly did not know what the pack or lodge would do with the spirit's prophesy for Rosemary. He knew word of it would spread as rapidly as the rumors surrounding her birth had. Which meant he expected they wouldn't have to wait long to find out what would happen.

    Labels: ,

    posted by Jennifer Michelle  @12:19 AM


    Comments


    Sara said:
    A few things about dialogue. Dialogue can be tricky, because it's usually intended to give information to the reader, but it shouldn't sound like it's giving information ot the reader. You have to be careful to make sure characters aren't telling each other things they already know just so the reader gets clued in. As an example, in an earlier sgement of the opening, another character tells Arthur that "your wife's in labor" and then repeats that "Belle is in labor". Now Arthur may well be a little out of it what with Annette's death and so the repetition works OK. But unless he's really not functioning on a normal mental level, he does not need to be told that his wife's name is Belle or that Belle is his wife.

    Belle's last bit of dialogue strikes me as a bit awakward right now. She seems to be saying everything a little too clearly, especially considering her state of emotion. Also...


    Her action surprised the rest, causing everyone to jump and react.


    I'd steer away from vague terms like "action" and "react" without more description.

    Keep at it!
     
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