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Friday, March 31, 2006I feel like I'm going to cryBut crying at work would be bad. I have no desire to explain myself, especially to people at work.At some point I might get around to writing up about how I relapsed this past weekend, and what I've done and am doing (and not doing) to get better. Again. *sigh* (4) comments | Post a Comment
Tuesday, March 28, 2006Don't Get Used to ThisLast Night's Dream, A Quick Summary:Started as I was betrothed to a young Duke of a modest Duchy, inside his "castle" which was actually just a large manor house. I remember stairs with a non-stained glass picture window at the landing which was on the front of the house, and a large hall that looked almost like a nice tavern but was either the dining hall or the court hall. We were over taken by someone and his army, and all held captive in the manor house. The Duke, myself, our friends (who I assume had been there for the wedding planning) and our servants. The taking over people turned the hall into their base of operations and had our servants serve them there. I turned my ring to hide the gem on it under my fingers and kept my hand closed whenever around them. Oh, I believe there were a couple Ranger type people - they weren't quite simple messengers and they traveled the forest - belonging to the Duchy who hadn't been caught and I managed to talk to once. Eventually we saw a chance for our scheming and plotting to escape, and took it. We managed to get everyone loyal out and away safely - by stuffing them in a suitcase that then went into one on wheels almost large enough to be a carriage - but not far enough away and so we hid up in the rafters of the forest - yes rafters, like in a warehouse, not tree branches - while the army searched for us all around and under where we were. There may have been some beginning negotiation talk, not that they would have held up to it or even gone through with it. Some of ours wouldn't stay quiet enough, and I knew we were going to be found. I moved off to a corner with one or two other people I knew were our best, to try and provide cover just in case (and to try and start getting people away?) We ended up being captured by troll orge type creatures, and taken underground to their huge cavern home. We were made workers just like everyone else, given the rules and shown the punishments for breaking them, which was mostly being hung from the ceiling, sometime not deathly, for differing amounts of days. With so many slaves already down there, I lost track of most of my people. A small core group of us managed to stay together when not on our assignments. And we again tried to plan escape. But we never had the change because we were always kept underground and not far enough away from the main cavern, and the troll-ogres had brute strength on their side which was so strong we knew we couldn't fight them. We worried we were too different from most of the captured slaves and tried to keep ourselves blended in as much as possible, lest the troll-ogres decide we weren't worth the trouble and just kill us. At one point we found out there was a chance workers could get themselves into warrior status, which was better in some ways but also meant swifter and harsher punishment upon failure. I decided to sign up because it meant being sent outside once in a while, which would give a better chance of escape. I filled out an application, which most workers there couldn't do, which worried me if I might have just given myself away as too smart to keep around. When the Duke returned he decided to join me, but had me fill out his application for him. I intentionally messed up his to try and give the impression I wasn't too clever. When I was allowed to go get another, the cavern shook as if a minor earthquake was occurring. This was the second time since we'd arrived, and it was scary. The table with the applications was near enough to a cave that lead upwards to sunlight, that when the one guard near me turned the other way I ran up. I found just outside there were three giant sized creatures attacking the cavern, mostly by throwing boulders at it. One was an actual giant, one was almost lizard like, and the other I pretty much forget... a Cyclops maybe? Nah. Anyway, the forces up there to fight the attackers were almost all beaten down. I decided to help fight eventhough they were attacking my captors, lest they bring the cavern down on everyone or just trample everyone, and because if I proved myself perhaps I'd be treated better and therefore given a chance to get others out. I used my psionic/magic to attack the giants, which at first I had a really hard time getting to work the way I wanted. But finally I figured out how to use my powers and with a little help from a couple fighters that had come up behind me, we subdued the giants. I ran back into the cavern to get people who could actually kill the giants, as they were only down for the time being. On my way back out, I realized I had a chance to escape and took it. Adam from "Half & Half" arrived then in a small car crammed with guys, and helped me out. I was of course baffled by the metal creatures moving so quickly up on the surface (on a highway and where I saw a modern hotel in the distance). I think I asked them to help me get the rest of my people out, and I think they may have been about to take me to somewhere or some people that could... and I woke up. Geez! I just can't seem to write up short versions of my dreams! And this is already without a lot of the detail for what I dreamt. Monday, March 27, 2006Dream RecapAround 6-something this morning I awoke from my dreams naturally again. Cool! Except for it being so early. I rolled over to go into light sleep until I had to get up and started repeating the dream in my head to myself so I wouldn't forget.Dream recap: While we're in our Earth 2/Lost in Space type spaceship that we had landed on this planet to survey and check for life and check if it could be used to settle on (which is a reference to a dream I had earlier in the weekend) something happens that I don't remember now, but we have to abandon the ship. Outside everyone is in danger and we need to get them to cover/safety as quickly as possible. There's one place we know of that would work, and so everyone is herded that way. We're not on foot, we're on some sort of personal innertube sliding type things, and on the way over the one small-mountain-like thing a few of them, including mine, veer off to the side. They seemingly can't make the whole climb. I start looking around frantically for what to do, and I see the start of a wide enough trail I had cut when everything had been under snow (another reference to that same other dream I had earlier in the weekend). It appeared what I had done caused nothing to grow where I had removed the snow once it was warmer. When I lifted myself up to see past it, I could see beyond where the trail ended there was a river of sorts running the the correct direction to bring us around to where we would need to be, which at that moment in my mind was a kind of lake that was on the other side of the mountain type thing. I assumed the river obviously fed into the lake. And eventhough the trail didn't go all the way through, I knew it was out best choice to survive to try and race down the trail and hope we would have enough speed to get through the mess of stuff between the end of the trail and the river. So I called out to everyone who was having the same problem I had, and led them to the trail and through the end to the river. I went first, and going through the stuff hurt me pretty bad, but I made it through to the river and somehow managed to stay enough on top of my inner-tuby thing. The rivier was running fast and the water on top was churning with waves as if they were rapids of some sort eventhough the water was deep. I think the others made it through too easier than I, I saw the first ones to follow me on the river before I lost track of everything. Suddenly I'm being fished out of the river by three or so people, who had waded in far enough to grab me, two of which are talking medical babble out loud about my status into a walkie-talkie radio and perhaps to others on the shore. Once I'm pulled out, one of them tells me I'm going to be okay. I'm then whisked away to a hospital, where I discover the others who I had been leading were also. We had all made it, though with various amounts of wounds. Once I'm all situated, having been treated eventhough the treatment part of the dream actually didn't happen, I'm taken down a white corridor with windows into the rooms we pass, that turns half way down, and I am having problems walking. The nurse I'm with is helping me to what will be my room, only to find out by walking the whole corridor and looking into each room that there aren't any empty rooms. I have no clue what to do, the nurse is of course upset. She goes off to get things straighten out. So I'm standing there, eventually turn around and start shuffling back down the corridor, my abdomen feeling not right and causing me to bend over slightly. Going in the opposite direction from which we first did, I find a half-size room that has no one in it tucked almost secretly between to actual rooms. There's only a couch sized thing in there for a bed, and later I realize it was probably an office not a patient room. I go in and lay down while I wait to be taken to my room. My neighbor in the room to the right, as one comes in from the corridor, for some reason I can no longer remember I right away do not much like, I think the patient said something as I went by that rubbed me the wrong way. The room I'm in morphs into my patient room. A doctor, and maybe some other people, come to tell me my problem. The doctor says that while in the river I had my baby. That makes no sense to me. I tell the doctor that I wasn't pregnent. The doctor, who now has another one there, says that I definitely had a baby while in the river, and that was the cause of all my complications. I repeat that I couldn't have had a baby because I wasn't pregnent. Either the second doctor or one of the people in the background says that it could have been an alien baby. That suggestion became the one everyone accepted, though nothing was said, because what else would explain coming to term and giving brith within 24 hours? (FYI: that came from the X-men game I played Saturday night.) My abdomen continues to give me problems, causing me to constantly bend over slightly whenever I walk (shuffle that is) and to most of the time have a hand pressed against it to help ease it. When I'm feeling up to it, I head out to check on all the others, see how they are doing and such. During my meandering, I end up outside. It's night time and the sky is clear. The stars are shining and beautiful as usual. I look up, not able to determine where we were when we all got injured, but not reallt trying to find it either. I'm just looking at the simple beauty, and wondering about those who had made it over the mountain-type-thing and hoping that everyone is okay. I start to sing "Somewhere Out There". After the second line my Mother, who was outside with me, as is my brother, joins in with me. After the fourth line my brother joins in. I turn my head down from looking at the stars to look at the two of them. Beyond them I can see a few other patients on the sidewalk running all the way in front of the hospital. People who had been walking by from the parking lot or on the sidewalk to my other side are stoping and turning to listen. As we continue on, the few other patients who had been outside join in the singing as well. I look up again to the stars and see a rainbow form between stars across the entire night sky in response to our singing. It's made of all the colors and is solid against the black sky instead of translucent like normal. Other patients, some with their IVs, some on crutches, or just however they are, are coming out of the hospital during the song and join in singing as well. I look down again to see our sidewalk filling up and hearing the wonderful chours of voices singing "Somewhere Out There" to those we have no idea where they are. When I look back up, the rainbow was gone, but fades back in again for a brief period of time before fading away. After the song ends, I head back inside, still in the same condition as before except feeling happier. As I walk around to start checking on people again, I find my cousin Sherrone in one of the rooms that all of us from the accident are in. So I go in to talk to her, instead of just pausing by the door to get a quick status update. (It's been long enough and I've worked on job stuff enough now that parts of the dream are fading from memory.) Stuff happens with me and Sherrone and some other patients, nothing bad, I just can't remember what it was or what was said. At some point I and/or we move to the room next door. More stuff happens/is said there. Somewhere in all of this there's a patient I don't much like dealing with. But again, details of it ae gone. At some point I'm on the move again through the hospital. I'm starting to figure things out, put pieces together. There's something going on involving us all from the accident, and I realize who I need to talk to in order to solve it all. I head over to that person's room (I now forget who that was). When I get there, there are other people sitting around talking with the person too. Some I recognize as friends, some I don't recognize. I go in, and realize one of the other people in there is an alien that's part of whatever all is going on. A few pleasantries are exchanged by everyone, and I sit down next to the person I came to see. It turns out there are actually two aliens in the room with all of us. I can tell because to me I see them with a sort of green color to their skin. As we all start talking, at one point I lean in to whisper to the person about the aliens and all I've figured out so far. The person agrees with me, after hearing the info I had that s/he did not, and tells me info I did not have. We realize we have to do something, but first we have to get out of the room. I say something to the room at large that I can't remember now, that somehow tips off the aliens and when I look around I discover that it's not a bunch of us and two aliens, it's a bunch of aliens and about three or four of us. Something like five of the people who were sitting and talking with us now have green skin, but otherwise look exactly the same. We humans were not only out numbered, but the aliens realize that we have caught on to them. The leader with a smile says something along the lines of we can't be allowed to leave. As the aliens start rounding the of us in the room up to one side, the leader gives them an order I don't remember now. Subtle not quite laser type fire ensues. I try to stand up and move from where I was, but due to my abdomen problems end up one my side on the floor. Some of us were either paralyzed or subdued or killed by the alien fire, I have no idea which of the three, but some of us are still moving. The leader then gives an order to exterminate us, or some such. The one of the aliens that looks like my friend Willy comes over to me and keels down. He reaches out to carry out the leader's order, and I notice his skin is no longer green. Suddenly he says "I switch places with you." My eyes widen slightly as I realize he's switching our souls/consciousness/what have you. He saves me without letting on to the leader, and my body is killed. But myself is not removed from existance. While kneeling there knowing I'm not dead but not in my body, I hear Willy tell me that I have two choices: I can either move on to my next life (which I wouldn't have been able to do if he hadn't have saved me) or I can hang around for as long as I want. If I hang around I can move between any time that I've already lived in, reliving any moments I want to or doing new things. I of course choose to hang around, which has the only consequence of having to do things with the now spectral Willy, who apparently can't join me in jumping into life at any place and/or time I want. He is able to watch and talk to me during such times however, and we have fun running around through time causing mischief. In one scene in which we're enjoying my messing with stuff with his guidance, we're laughing as I've just run from somewhere into a grassy backyard type place near a house. We view what I was/am doing as a funny prank, and I get down on the ground and start fiddling with something new. He warns/reminds me that if I'm caught while in time that it's all over. Meaning while I'm corporeal I'm subject to being discovered which will end my being able to hang around like we have been doing. Suddenly have a sense of urgency. What I thought originally was just another object for a prank in my hands, turns out to be a kind of bomb. I have to either disarm the bomb or get away before it goes off. At first I try to figure it out, but realize I don't have enough time so I get up and try to get away. I run towards a row of tall thin very close together trees, which is also a kind of translucent curtain portal for me to noncorporealness/off the planet that Willy is on the other side of. (There's a transition in the dream here I do not remember, and I don't think I ever did.) I'm in a not quite sky scraper tall building, and it's another situation where I need to get away, this time before I'm killed. For now it's become if I die while in time, that is while I'm corporeal, I will actually die. A lot of people are running around trying to get away to safety, everyone who knows there is something wrong. I know we can't go down, though I don't know why, and I know somewhere around here is my way out. I start running down the hall of the floor I am on of the hotel, but I can't find it. I check numbers on the rooms as I go by, they start with 2s and have three and four digits, and I realize I need to go up. People are going every which way. I have no idea what they are doing, especially since the stairs are pretty much empty. Shaking my head I start running up the stairs. After few flights, I poke my head out on a floor to see what the numbers are now, to see how far up I've gone. The numbers are higher, but still start with 2's! Somehow I had only gone further down the same floor by going up. I run up a few more stairs, confused, but make no progress. I'm starting to panic because time is running out and I can't get off the floor I'm on. A group of geisha type girls are running through a door up ahead of me to the right, but there are so many they are clustered in a bunch on this side of the door trying to get through. I find out from one of them that in order to go up, I have to go sideways. So I start running, first into a opposite the way the girls are going, and then through that room to the room next to it. I keep running through rooms from one to the next via doorway openings between them, ever so often having to turn left to get into the next room, going in what feels like giant circles around on the same floor. Which I stop to check room numbers, I find that I'm in the 4s! Yay! I keep running. In one of the rooms there was a canopy bed with those heavy curtains that open and close, and a couple people, one of which I think was some kind of vampire. But no one was upset or seemed to be in any trouble so I barely stopped, except to exchange some words which I don't know remember. I finally make it to the top of the hotel, and there on the roof are airplanes that are to take people to safety. They are just closing their doors/pulling up their ramps and starting their engines as I run up. I'm yelling for the one nearest me to wait. As I get close, I noticed a Black technition on the top of it, just finishing up fixing its engine it seems. As he closes the panel he was working in I call to him, and beg him to let me on. He smiles at me, and agrees, and helps me up and then opens a ramp type thing for us to get in through. I thank him gratefully and agree that I owe him one. I ask him what he wants. He says just that I visit him anytime I return if he's around. Meaning anytime I return to corporealness/time if he's there too, whatever life he might be in, to visit him. I agree. The next time I go back into time, I remember my agreement and check if he's around, which he is. I go to visit him, though the details of this have mostly faded now. I think there was a woman giving birth. I can't remember if he was the baby or the grandfather or whom. But I keep my promise and show up. He, not the baby, recognizes me and smiles. Then something happens or is said, then he steps onto a standard white envelope on the floor and starts stuffing himself into it. He gets himself folded up most of the way in, to his head which is having a big of problem fitting. I start to leave, to go back to noncorporealness and Willy... ... which is when I wake up, with my hand across my abdomen pressing oh so slightly. |
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