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Saturday, February 25, 2006Why I don't record my dreams.I finished the last post about 10:09 pm, I started the post at 8:12 pm says Blogger. This is why I seldom write out my dreams, I just don't typically have the time to spend writing them out. Especially not in the morning! Though I would love to be able to record my dreams, at least the interesting ones, it's just not something I can keep up.I did write out, or write part of, a few dreams back in 2004 I believe it was, because I wasn't remembering any dreams for quite a long time. I love to sleep mostly because I enjoy dreaming. But after I moved I stopped dreaming. (Which of course isn't what happened because everyone dreams, they just may not remember dreaming, which is what happened to me.) I figured that if I started a dream journal perhaps I could get back to dreaming more. I tend not to be as unhappy or emotionally tired if I get to dream a lot. Oh wait, maybe the dream journal was I started it because I wanted to get back to lucid dreaming, which I haven't been able to do in several years now. It's odd to go from always knowing when you are dreaming, and even having control of your dream at times, to always only realizing you were dreaming once you wake up. Hmm, maybe I could try just recorded what a key thing or two was from my dreams each night? Such as something like: I flew in last night's dream. Or something like: NERO dream. Or: Talked with so-and-so. Probably won't happen though. I just can't seem to keep things to a minimum, I can't seem to help but write out details once I start writing. Take this post for example, it was only supposed to be part of the first and second paragraphs only! (0) comments | Post a Comment
Thursday Night's Dream ContinuedSo, where was I. Oh yeah. School room, quiz, uppity girl.During the last break between taking the quiz (perhaps it should be called a test by this point), the girl and I were at each other. I don't quite remember why we were verbally fighting, or was it more like just sniping at each other? Either way, near the end of it we were arguing over a piece of clothing. We both thought it was great, and both really wanted it, but there was only one. It was lying on a table that was against one wall of the classroom, but hanging partially down over the front side. I was looking at it and her while we argued. Then we both went to grab it, and each got a hand on it. I noticed as we pulled it off the table that it was a long shirt. As she started to try and pull it away I decided to let her have it, so I let go. She turned her back towards me, as if she thought she had successfully pulled it from my hand and was protecting it from me. I spitefully told her she could have it. Her head snapped around to look at me, surprise on her face. It was clear she was confused that I suddenly didn't want it. I think she asked me "why?" I know I told her, "it's yellow." Which it was. My obvious point to her was that no one looks good in yellow, so of course I didn't want it. She looked down at the shirt in her hands with disappointment. I started to turn away from her, smugness in me because I knew she wouldn't want it now and because I knew I can pull of wearing yellow. After the last part of the test, I went to the bathroom to put on my new clothing. It turned out to be a light cream color and reached part way down my thighs, just long enough to cover everything it needed to, but it was open in the front from neck to bottom and laced close. Laced closed not like shoes or bodices, but like the top of ice skates or hiking boots where the laces have to be wrapped around the open on one side metal holder things. And they went from top to bottom. I took the laces that came with it and laced closed the part over my bra first. Then I looked down at myself and realized the next part had to be over my panties, even though I was wearing the pretty white lacy ones. As I was getting that part laced closed a man poked his head in, and while it wasn't my father in real life, he was my father in the dream. He, of course, told me my outfit wasn't acceptable. I liked it though, I thought it showed off everything I wanted it to when laced as I had it then, though I (in my dream) would have liked to have shown some of the underwear. The next chunk of time was spent trying to figure out how to lace the outfit up properly. I tried a few different ways with the lacing I had. One even had me with it somehow over my head. I don't exactly remember. Finally I either gave up or got it the way I wanted it. I headed out. It being over a day since this dream I have know forgotten this transition of the dream. So, something happens, and I with my handful of walking sticks in my left hand - each a different height, of course, so I have the right size for whatever occurrence - am walking along in my new outfit out to... do something. I walk into a carnival of some sorts. There's lots of people around, booths to buy stuff at, and plenty of things to do. I walk along, saying pleasantries to people, glancing at things, talking briefly with people I recognize, and whatnot. As I'm passing by the last booth on my right before a wide walkway, the left was an open field for either a show or animal rides or something, someone makes a comment in my direction. I see couple people talking to each other just off to one side of the table. Behind the table a couple feet there was a stack of stuff that was taller than the table. But I keep walking with my many walking sticks in my hands but only using one. Something was said by someone definitely to me this time, I think I replied and then someone said something else, or else it was just that one first thing that was said. Either way, I turn back to look and see a little animal (can't remember now if it was a cat or a dog) was sitting up on a pillow like thing on top of the stack of presumably boxes, and I say to it something to the effect of "oh, so you know me?" or "oh, do you know me" with a tone indicating of course it/he doesn't. Suddenly the animal's eyes change, one to solid black and one to solid white. I recoil because I know who those eyes belong to, and realize that the animal is a dangerous enemy taken on a different form. A couple other people noticed either the eye change or my reaction of fear, and wonder what's wrong. I know I know the enemy's name, so I tell them it. The first name that came to my mind in my dream was Voldemort. At this point I'm told by the GM, Daniel, that my mind is being attacked or asks something to the effect of am I going to let him in. I of course say no. I am told to roll, because the enemy is going to attempt to take it over my mind. So I turn away and get my dice. I have a bunch of six-sided ones, and am about to roll them when I realized I'm supposed to be using ten-sided for this game system! The player sitting near me confirms I am right in my realization. So get out ten-sided dice, but I don't know how many to roll. I look for my character sheet to see what skill I need to use and how much of it I have. The player next to me finds the sheet first and hands it to me, then leans over to look at it and tell me how many to roll because he finds it on the sheet before I do. The GM announces the enemy rolled a something in the 50's I think. Maybe it was in the 60's or 80's, I really don't remember. I do remember that I do the quick math of four ten-sided dice and know I've already lost even before I roll because the best I could possibly do is a 40. I did roll high on all four dice, but instead of counting up my roll I just decided to call out 38! Hoping that if I say it with enough conviction maybe I will be successful. But of course that's not how rpgs work. So the evil enemy has totally control of me. We go back into game, which means the dream going back to as it was before the rpg changed things. Even to me at the time, or at least right after waking up, the next part is very fuzzy. Likely as a result of my not actually being in control of myself or my mind. Some threat that had come against the... village? School? Carnival? All of the above?... was defeated by my body and some extra powers from the one controlling me. It was then a fight to regain myself, but I finally did. Given this next part I have no clue how I did it. Maybe I didn't win a fight, maybe the enemy let me go, I don't know. But when I regain control I am down on my hands and knees, my head bent towards the ground. The enemy hasn't left, and is in fact surrounding me as a dark cloud-like apparition. But with some solidness as I can feel it pressed against me from the top and all sides and all around my arms and top of my head, but not against my chest or stomach or face. It wasn't a hurtful pressure, more like a tight hug. It felt as good as a hug too, except for the sinister feeling that went along with it. The enemy spoke to me either in my ears or in my head. I don't remember anymore all that was said, but it was trying to regain control of me with me being willing for it to have control. I was certain that I wouldn't be able to fight it off if it tried to forcibly take over again, especially since it had already done so once. But I tried to not let on that. I answered everything it said to me. And when it indicated it would take me over again I told it "no." I knew immediately it was going to do so anyway. I had just vocally exerted my will, but I wasn't going to be able to back that up. As it was about to take me over again I started to beg don't, and then appended an emotional please. It stopped momentarily, but was tighter against me than before. It said or asked something short, the tone of it still being toying and menacing. I replied in slightly more than a whisper "not today." Echoing me, "Not today?" it asked me. It sounded like I might actually be able to get it away from me, so I replied something like "Yes, please." It then asked, "Tomorrow?" hopefully or in a we're-making-a-deal kind of way. I really wanted to say not tomorrow either. I sort of wanted to 'say not tomorrow, not ever', but I knew that wasn't going to happen. I briefly thought about asking for not tomorrow either, but didn't want to push my luck. So all I said in reply was "Not today." I don't recall it saying any more, but it agreed, let go of me, and left. I was a little unsteady at first after I got up, for a little while it felt like I was a bit shaky on the inside. A bunch of the older children and young teens around rushed up to me and started going on and on. I had saved everyone and they were so impressed. One of them asked me to come meet her family. I was introduced with pride, since we were classmates, to the family, who also thanked me. I felt like since I actually hadn't done anything because I hadn't been in control, I didn't deserve any of the accolades nor that I was any better than anyone else there. But I didn't say that, I didn't know what to say or how. So instead I bowed deep to each adult to indicate I was not more important than any of them. I was then taken around by other students to meet their families. I did the same with each of them. There was one family in particular I remember that didn't treat me as a hero of some sort like the others. I think they disliked me because I was a hero, the mother gave me an unhappy look and I think an off hand comment I don't remember. I bowed anyways but not as respectfully. Finally I was let alone to do as I please. I looked around to find my sticks, which some were retrieved for me and some I gathered up. As I start to leave I looked at them, as they were long containers made of bark with dozens of thing sticks inside them. In one of the holders a couple sticks were sticking out from the rest. I tried to push one in to discover it was actually longer than the others. I pull it out because it was in the wrong stick holder, it needed to be in the one that was the next length up. I put it in the one where it fits, and notice there are a handful of sticks in the wrong containers. So I set them all down, there were three or four holders that had formerly been my walking sticks but were now long wood containers that held thin sticks, and start sorting and organizing them into their correct holders by length. Which is when the dream fades and I wake up. Plastic BagsI'm about to give up. Months ago I discovered my grocery store stopped recycling plastic bags however long ago. Which means who knows how long I've been collecting them to turn them in there for recycling, only for them to be thrown out.I checked with two other stores in the area (I believe) and they aren't recycling plastic bags anymore either. So plastic bags have just been piling up at my place while I have been trying to find a place to recycle them. Today I search the web via Google, trying to find a place to recycle plastic bags. I came across this article. Granted it's from 1998, but it sounds pretty relevant still. Or perhaps even more so now. While this other article gives me some hope for Kroger, or trying to find a place to donate all the plastic bags I have, it really annoys me that grocery stores "push" plastic bags when there's no longer an easy way to deal with them. Especially the Meijer stores around here, which don't even ask "paper or plastic?" anymore. They just start loading plastic bags. And then there are the non-grocery stores that only have plastic. Grr. So I'm going to have to get strict on NO plastic bags when shopping anymore. Keep a couple paper ones in my car for when shopping at non-grocery stores. Not take a bag for just two or three items. And make the baggers re-bag my items if they start using plastic without asking me first. Friday, February 24, 2006Last Night's DreamAs with all dreams, the memories of it started to fade the moment I woke up. Even after going through it a few times right after I woke up to help remember it, and more pieces did come back because of that, it's still not whole in my memory. I don't remember how it started. And the beginning it kind of fragmented, I'm no longer sure which order three pieces went in. And now the harder I try to remember, the more my memory of it is littered with memories of what I know to be dreams from other recent nights.One of the earliest three scenes I remember is being outside on what was a college-like campus judging from the building structure, though I think it was actually a pseudo-downtown like shopping area. A tall building across the street. The building next to me had a part of it that was only a second story and people walked under. Anyway, it was snowing. I assume it had just started snowing because there was little to no accumulation on the ground, but was snowing hard. People were rushing to get out, to get into cars and drive, to get home. I walked... Another of the earliest three scenes I had come to the bottom of a really steep hill, and because it was or had been snowing, this hill had a ton of snow on it. People couldn't get up it, we were worried about being stranded because we couldn't go any further and it was snowing. Somehow I managed to scramble up the hill without taking anything with me but one object I can't remember now. I vaguely remember the feeling of being followed, as in not chased so much but in that I needed to keep moving for some reason. When I got to the top, I moved around, and found that behind this very large branch that was lying across most of the "road" at the top of the hill, it was like a downed tree due to it size, but I don't remember being it long enough. Actually I do know I didn't look off to the side to see where it ended, so it may have been a downed tree. Anyway, I found that on the other side of this lying tree there was almost no snow at all! It was much like the shelter a cave would provide, no wind or snow, except it was behind and partially beneath a lying tree. The other earliest scene I remember was in a house/hotel of some sort. Lots of people were there, I almost want to say were taking refuge there but that would only be if these three scenes occurred in the order I have written them. Anyway, I wandered throughout the house looking for an empty room. I don't remember why I was looking for an empty room as I sort of remember that I wasn't planning on staying. It was either than I was looking for a place to change or that I was curious as to what the place looked like and then I noticed that behind every door was someone else or a family or the belongings of a person or of a family either dumped there or partially unpacked that indicated that area had been claimed. I was on the second floor (I feel like I think I was) and finally I came to the last a room/area I was going to check (I kinda think I remember the top of a set of stairs on one side of it?). I looked around and turned around. I guess I then recognized who was there because I started talking to her as if I knew her. I only said a couple sentences I think, one being a comment on the state of things in the house. But I don't remember the exact words. Next scene up was in a school-type situation with other students. Definitely not college, we were younger than high school even I think, though maybe not as the scene involved a lot of that high school-type drama, no it was more like Junior High age and drama. Remember, these aren't individual dreams I had. It was one long dream, each scene transitioning completely and relevantly to the next even though I can't remember most of the transitions now. So anyway, we're in a one room school type deal. The teacher is quite taller than us students, as they always where when kids are in that school age group, even the short teachers. And we had some sort of quiz that day. *insert students' groaning* There was one student in particular who apparently was my rival. She was a little shorter than me, and I think a year younger. But she really had a need to be better than me, and said some really persnickety things to me. (I think this was the person I had talked to in the house scene, morphed into this girl just as I had morphed into a student.) I don't remember what the quiz was on, I do remember we took pens and scribbled to fill in these large boxes that corresponded to which answer we thought was right for each question. Some stuff here I don't remember, but it turned out the quiz was in parts as we went back to it twice I believe, the stuff happening in between I just don't remember. But by the end we were using markers/highlighters (our pens had turned into them), moving them horizontally back and forth to fill in these giant ovals, larger than our hands, filling in only one in the row of ovals for each question (the boxes had turned into them). I barely remember the teacher and what she or he said, but I have a vague memory of the teacher not being one that we liked and acting a tad either mean or angry. It's 9:12, past time to get up and get out for work. I haven't gotten to the parts I remember the most. Hopefully I'll take time at work to write them out today. Here's a reminder list of the rest of the dream for myself: - Clothing & rival - Lace up thingy, and various ways attempted to get it right - Bathroom with concern parent - many walking sticks - circus or carnival - little animal, do you know me, eyes change - Roll to see who wins - Taken over - defeat threat - "fight" to be released - Introduced to parents and siblings, bowing - sorting sticks in holders Naturally From DreamsI just woke up, naturally, at 7:45 am. My alarm is supposed to be set to go off at 8 am, though recently I've had it set at 8:15. But this morning I woke up early. And naturally too, nothing woke me. And it wasn't like when you wake up in the middle of the night and go back to sleep because you're tired and you didn't want to be awake. I woke up because the dream I was having ended, and when I awoke, I felt completely rested! I've been a little tired the last several days, because of this last weekend down in Chicago, with my tiredness level rising as the evening goes on each day, though each night giving me enough sleep.But I digress. Today was the first day in a LONG time I've woken up before the alarm and not gone back to sleep. Years, at least. And even then usually it's only a minute or two, not 15 or more! I don't remember how long it's been since I've woken due to my dreams ending (assuming we don't count the time I woke up in the middle of the night in order to end a dream I did not like and had me unsettled for a while). I don't know if I actually woke at 7:45, that's just when I finally rolled over to look at the clock. It was such a nice feeling, how I woke and immediately afterwards, I just lay there feeling it. It was like... sleep receded from my body, moving from bottom to top, then receded from my head moving from my face over my eyes to the back of my head, and then was gone. Like something that had been all over me for the night washed away in one wave. But after it was gone I was still left feeling like... I was being hugged all over. It was really nice. I awoke laying on my side, with my knees tucked up against my body, bent completely so my feet were back under me, and my arms over my chest crossing at about the wrists with my hands closed and pressed against me between each side of my collar bone and the corresponding shoulder. My head was bent slightly, I think, bringing my chin to lie between my hands. I was really comfortable. I finally moved because I was getting hot from all the covers on me while curled up like that. I have discovered that if you (or at least I) wake up naturally from dreaming, you remember the dreams much more that if you are woken up by something. I lay there going over the dreams I had so as to try and get them solidly into my memory. As I reviewed, more of the dreams came back to me. Actually, it was just one long dream that transitioned several times. Finally I decided since I felt completely rested, not to try to go back to sleep, and I wondered what the heck to do with the extra hour I now had. I briefly thought about going in to work early, I could get some extra work done, or go in early so I could leave early. I decided to write about the experience, as you can see! I was planning to write out the dream, but apparently I wrote all this other stuff instead. I'm going to go do a little more of my morning routine (I've already peed, brushed my teeth, put in my contacts so I could see to type, and put on my watch. Though oddly I decided not to put on my ring before putting on my watch, it just didn't feel like I wanted to have it on yet.) and then try to get back to write about the dream, though it's 8:24 now so I may not have enough time before I have to get ready for and go to work. Wednesday, February 22, 2006Quote of the Day"I can see a light! I don't know if it's the end of the tunnel, or if it's a train, but I can see a light!" - JenniferA new take on Nick's quote "Is it a train?" Tuesday, February 21, 2006Airplane Stories #5: Winter Landing in DetroitOne Christmas in the late 1990's, if not 2000, I was flying into Detroit Metro Airport from Boston. We got to Detroit to find a snow storm going on. We circled a couple times before the pilot came on the intercom and said, "Well, visibility's about a mile down there, but we're a low visibility plane so we're going to go ahead and try and land."It wasn't the low visibility that bothered me. It was the "try." We're going to go ahead and try and land? I would have been completely fine if he hadn't said "try and land." He told us we'd be on the ground in about fifteen minutes. The plane started descending. I checked my watch, and watched out the window. We went into the clouds. I kept watching. Fifteen minutes later we were still in the clouds. I remember thinking that if we were going to be on the ground shortly we had better start descending again. A minute or two later we broke through the clouds, and - I kid you not - there were cars only 100-200 feet below us. It was a freeway, I-94 I believe. I was most definitely surprised, and then worried. The cars were life size! (As in, not like when you look down from a plane and normally the cars look like those micro-machine toys.) And they were whizzing by beneath us. I didn't have time to reach scared, for suddenly a runway appeared beneath us. It turns out one of the Metro Detroit airport runways runs right up to one of the freeways surrounding the airport. In all my years flying, I never knew that! Airplane Stories #4: Bumpy LandingAs with many people I think, we've experienced landing twice. That's not where you take two flights. That's where the plane you are on comes in for a landing, hits the runway, bounces back into the air, and then touches down again! It's not just a bumpy landing, or a one wheel landing where the other back wheel touches down a moment later (though I've been on one of those too). We hit the runway, and literally jumped back up into the air and flew again before coming back down to the runway and landing. Fun, fun! Since you're right there near the ground still it's not a big scare. Though when the thought crosses your mind of is there going to be enough runway left now that some was used up on the first "landing", it can be a slightly nervous experience for a second.Productive?Well, my Federal refund came in a few days ago. So today I wrote out checks for the State and city taxes I owe due to not knowing changing your Federal withholdings also changes your state and city withholdings. :p They go out with tomorrow's mail. I also ordered Star Trek: The Next Generation the complete series. I went to get the $100 in amazon.com gift certificates my credit card offered as Thank You Rewards, but it turns out they didn't give them to me online. I have to wait 4-6 weeks to get them! So I bought ST:TNG without them, and will just have to use the gift certificates on something else. (Like buying SQ DSV gifts?)The rest of the refund is supposed to go towards savings: some to the Furnace Fund (for when I have to buy a new one since mine is well over 20 years old), and some to the Travel Fund (for either going to Europe with Mom, or traveling out West). I have to remember to open a savings account specifically for the Funds so I don't accidentally or intentionally spend the money on stuff I shouldn't. I did also get work done today. And sent off the money to pull Michael's account out of the negatives until he gets his bank to right things. How is it almost 4pm and that's all I've gotten done? I made myself agree that if I stayed home to work today that I had to do some writing and exercise. It's almost 4pm, and grr. Oh, I did organize some pictures on my computer too. I still need to pick out the ones I want to print for Sahara's book and get them in there. I also have most, if not all, of my medical information spread out on the living room floor as part of my next project. So many projects! Many not even started. Someone be sure that if I don't get any writings up today to berate me mercilessly until I do. This is unacceptable. I didn't stay home to not get things done, especially writing. |
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