I've been collecting my writings from years gone by as I find them. Each time I move - now 5 times in the last 3 years - I find more scraps, loose sheets, etc. with my thoughts from various times in my life. I've decided to copy as many of them as I can here to try and keep from losing them again, and to share with the world. Please feel free to comment as thoughts occur to you. Either send them to trekker9er@yahoo.com or use the comment links here. Thanks, and Enjoy!

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

 I have no idea when, where, or why I wrote this, and it seems unfinished to me

        So far away. Far away from everything. From the children, from civilization, from you.
        How did this happen? I thought it would be alright. I could go, not for long, just briefly, to do something different elsewhere. Then I would come back, so soon you would barely miss me.
        Do you remember how is was? You could always come to me. If something was wrong you would turn to me and I would be there. You could talk with me about anything, I would always listen. I loved to hear you talk, and you wanted to hear me. You looked all over for me and when you found me you happily listened. And in the background we could hear the children. Laughing, playing, sleeping, singing, they were never afraid. I loved them. And they loved me, not like you loved me. Thier's was an innocent, trusting, childish love. Your love was more subtle but understood.
        You know I loved you, right? Do you know I still love you and never forget you? I miss hearing you. I miss the children't laughter. I miss being near you, being there for you.
        Have you forgotten me? I was sure you were ready. You relied on me for so long, I taught you so much. It was time to let you stand on your own. So I left, and when I tried to return I couldn't. I am farther away than I meant to be.
        How did I let this happen? No, I didn't let this happen. If I had have known I never would have left. Now I'm alone. You have abandoned me. I try to speak to you, to tell you I'm coming back, but you don't listen, you don't hear.
        So now I can only look on, from a distance, and it breaks my heart. So soon after I left you turned to me and I wasn't there. You weren't ready. You had forgotten my teachings. You didn't know what to do. You needed me. Now you blame me. You couldn't wait for me. You did as you pleased, and when you saw it was wrong you blamed me for not stopping you. I couldn't. I wasn't here. Now the children cry and scream too much. They are afraid and you will not comfort them. They come to you and you overprotect the youngest so they're unprepared for the world you've created. You ignore the older children and they turn to each other but they're inexperienced.

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

 September 1999

My Term as Worthy Advisor and What Rainbow Means to Me

        My term as Worthy Advisor started on Sunday, May 23rd, 1999, shortly after the 2pm installation started. It was a wonderful service, with Amy Rogers as Installing Officer and Mom Ray filling in as Mother Advisor. It was an especially happy event for me because it brought my best friend back to Lexington Rainbow after a two year absence.
        My first of five meetings was held on May 28th, thanks to J.P.W.A. Meredeth Bean for allowing my installation to be before what would be her last meeting so as not to interfere with my final exams. After a delayed and rocky start, the girls did a good job on their ritual and the meeting went well. After the meeting we cut and pasted and worked on our three Grand Assembly Quilts.
        May 31st heralded my first event, a trip to the movie theaters to see Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. It was free for the six of us who went, funded by a donation from Palestine Chapter Order of the Eastern Star. We had a great time, the movie was enjoyable and was followed by a couple of light saber duels between girls in the parking lot.
        June 11th was my second meeting. We received a petition and balloted favorably on the petition, electing a pledge sister to receive the degrees of initiation. After the meeting we made noise makers for Grand Assembly out of paper plates, beans, markers, glue, glitter, ribbons, and staples.
        Then came the Mother’s Degree which Lexington Chapter Order of the Eastern Star allowed us girls to perform for them. On June 17th we attended their meeting and used the ritual of a Mother’s Degree written by a member of Lexington Chapter especially for Lexington Assembly. The degree was excellent, every girl did a great job and the chapter seemed to enjoy it.
        Our final meeting before the summer break was held on Tuesday June 22nd due to Grand Assembly being the following weekend. We initiated Amanda Formica, a member of my church and Lexington Pledge, into the assembly. Even though a certain person did not receive the secret work until ten minutes before the meeting, everything went smoothly and all the girls did well on their ritual. After the failed attempt at a short meeting, we had a Summer Solstice party during collation and danced to some new and old favorites. Even the Advisory Board got in on the fun.
        Now for Grand Assembly, the weekend of June 25th through 27th. We said goodbye to our Grand Officers and Miss Service and waited to hear what girls were to have which offices. Congratulations to our Grand Representative, Grand Christian Flag Bearer and Grand Drill Leader! Also to the assembly for our receiving an award for an increased membership of four girls in 1998. And finally I get to toot my own horn for wining the Supreme Ritualist competition. The rest of Grand Assembly was fun as well. We had four representatives from other states to Massachusetts staying with us and Lexington was once again the assembly with the most girls attending. The dance on Saturday night was great fun, we made new friends from other assemblies and a few of us stayed to close out the dance floor.
        Then things began to wind down for awhile until one busy week for Lexington Assembly. July 10th was my fund raiser car wash. With Jenan’s signs, the girls voices, some help from Rainbow friends, and a lot of elbow grease we made lots of money. Good job everyone!
        On the morning of July 13th, two girls, an advisor and I went to work at the Arlington Food pantry as part of my service project. We packed bags of food, helped people choose what they wanted, and helped them carry the food out of the pantry. We saw all sorts of people come to the pantry to get food they otherwise would not have had, people of all ages, races, some with homes or jobs and some without, even young children. Even though it lasted only a couple hours, we learned that there are many people who need our help even in small towns such as Arlington and Lexington, and not just in cities like Boston.
        July 15th was our first outing to play Laser Tag. We even had one advisor in there playing with us, or should I say being hunted by us?
        Rainbow Camp began July 18th, and Lexington sent many girls as campers and counselors. I am told it was fun, just like every year.
        July 24th was our second trip to the Arlington Food pantry as part of my service project. We also presented the pantry with a $50 check, a donation to help them buy food during the time of year that food pantries receive the least amount of aid due to there not being any holidays to generate donations.
        Then our assembly was delivered an unexpected blow. One of our Advisory Board members and friend to many of us died without warning. Dad Gordon Matheson was taken from us, leaving an unfillable hole. A service was held for him on August 2nd at Needham Masonic Hall. I am so very proud of my assembly. We came together in a time of need to help each other and to honor our dear departed. Girls came back from camp and from college to be there, and Lexington assembly was present in its largest number to perform a special part in the service for Dad Matheson. We will miss his smile and support, but we will never forget.
        After a few weeks off, the next event was the Friendship Beach Day. The purpose of Friendship Beach Day was to bring friends together to have fun. When the day started, one of the girls informed me she didn’t want to be there because she had a fight with one of the other girls. She was upset and said she was afraid she had lost a good friend. The other girl was also not happy about the situation, but was going to try to enjoy herself with her other friends. The two ignored each other and stayed far away from each other. But by the end of the day the two were starting to talk again, and are now back to being friends. Even though many were invited and only a few came to the beach, I still consider the day a successful friendship day.
        September arrived, and my fourth meeting was on the 10th. We had a very low attendance, but the girls did well after not having performed ritual for three months. Am I ever going to stop dropping that gavel? We held election of officers, congratulations to Jenan on being elected Worthy Advisor, to my little sister Courtney for making it through the term and being elected Hope, and to Elizabeth on being elected Faith.
        The twelfth of September signaled my last event. We went to play laser tag again, and had a larger turn out this time after the success of the time before. But the same person still won, keep practicing girls and advisors!
        Yesterday was my last meeting. Nothing special, just me wondering were the time went.
        And now it is September 25th, my Outstallation. I’m told that by the time a Worthy Advisor reaches the end of her term she is ready to leave office, but in this case that’s not true. I was not the best Worthy Advisor Lexington has had, a couple events didn’t happen due to my procrastination, but I loved every minute of my term. It saddens me that I must step down today for I want to do so much more for the assembly. But it makes me happy to know that I am handing the assembly over to someone I believe will do a better job as Worthy Advisor than I did, and who will enjoy the office as much as I did. Good Luck Jenan.
        Amy, thank you for finally convincing me to join Rainbow and sharing something so dear to both of us. Mom, thank you for supporting me in Rainbow these past couple years. I know you had your doubts due to past experiences, but it means a lot to me that you put your feelings aside to help me when I needed it. Mom MacKenzie, thank you for having faith in me. Mom and Dad Advisors, thank you for being there to help me, even when I called on short notice. Girls, thank you for a great fun filled term and for allowing me the chance to be Worthy Advisor, although that was cut a bit close. I have decided to take my Majority and the end of this year as I will be turning 21 in January. I wish you all well, and would leave the younger and newest members with this bit of advise. You only get as much out of Rainbow as you give. Go to the events, stay for the after meeting activities, make friends, and you will discover what is so special about Rainbow.

What Rainbow Means to Me

        How can anyone expect me to answer that question? Rainbow just is. It is a part of my life just like my friends and family are a part of my life. It’s familiar and comforting, it provides support if I need it and my memories of it are filled with happy moments. I have made many friends through Rainbow and found people I can count on. Even though there have been sad times and hard times, I have tried my best for Rainbow and it has also come through for me. So what does Rainbow mean to me. It means something that is precious and wonderful, something not easily found and hard to let go. It means True Friendship.

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