Better Times!

So yesterday, Thursday:
I had a great night sleep, only woke up once to pee! Though my right hand had swollen so much it hurt and was going numb. Elevated hand and water to drink and I was back sleep. In the morning I was still sad about not being in labor. I went into Amber’s room to wake her at normal time, and asked for a hug. Amber was very willing, but asked why. I said said because I was sad, She said “you don’t look sad”, so I stopped holding back tears. There weren’t many, but still. Amber asked why I was said. I said because I had wanted Aurora to be born. Amber rolls back over and replies sleepily and just short of annoyed: “It’s a school day, Mom! Maybe she’ll be born tomorrow.”

:) Well, Amber and I had a wonderful morning. So by the time I’m heading to work, I was well rested AND happy. It was a pretty good day time. But I was still gung-ho for getting this baby born. I called my OBGYN’s office to see if I could get an appointment just to be “checked” to see if I’d made any progress dilation / effacing -wise while I’d been having contractions the day before. Yup. 1:30pm. Sweet! I was also hoping maybe the doctor could do something to get things moving again.

Shortly before, I started feeling I shouldn’t be doing this. I realized I was making the wrong decisions. But when I thought about the other choices I could make, I realized they were wrong too. No matter what I chose, it would be wrong. So I went anyway.

Apparently my OBGYN had been trying to get a hold of me since I called the office (I only spoke to a receptionist, never a nurse) but they didn’t have my cell # (and I don’t have a work #). She was concerned given my medical history and having heard I had started contractions for hours but they eventually stopped. The first question they asked was if the baby was moving. I said yes. I didn’t understand yet. Before the Dr came in, the nurse did the mini physical as always: weight and BP. My Blood pressure was 160 / 104. BAD. The Dr came in to talk with me. She wasn’t going to check me, she wanted details, and then said she was probably sending me to St. Joe’s Triage for full testing. They waited for however long to let me sit and see if my BP would come down. The second BP reading was 140 / 100. D@&n. Dr said she was calling ahead so they’d expect me, that they’d keep me probably for a few hours, but she’d be watching the results of the tests as they came through the computer system. I told her I had to drop off Amber’s car seat at daycare, so someone else could get her (Amber had asked for it to be left at daycare with her just in case, and I forgot – bah). After dropping off the car seat, I swung by home to get a little food knowing they wouldn’t feed me, then off I went.

Short version: Arrived just after 2:30 and filled out paperwork. Three or so other women before me. Taken back to triage right at about 3 and hooked up. Ahh, the dimmer lights and the cool air felt so nice. All the tests – blood, urine, NST – came back good. The baby’s healthy and fine. My BP dropped to normal for me while there. My sweating stopped too, and what swelling I had left started voiding out. But I got conflicting messages from just about every care provider. Whatever, I could tell what the important stuff was imo.

While there I read a book, listened to what was happening with the couple in the next “room” (pregnant with twins!). It was nice, for a while. Then about 5:15 I got lonely. So I got up and the BP machine caught me right then. I sat down real fast to try and get a better reading, but it didn’t quite work. 152 / I don’t remember. When it was done I stood back up and started pacing the tiny “room”, and that along with random thinking worked for a while, then I got bored. Turns out they were just about to let me go when the BP machine caught me, so now I had to wait for 2 more good BP readings. Bah. But finally I was discharged around 6:15. The midwife earlier had agreed to check me before I left, and I asked after that a couple times despite a nurse trying to disway me. It was the whole point of all this for me! Was I making progress towards labor or not?

No. Still 1 to 1.5 cm and 50-60% effaced.

So I left, at least looking forward to getting to go home to my girl. Only to find out she had gone off to a recital with the neighbors (whom I had asked to pick her up from daycare since I wasn’t going to make it out in time). I went negative, emotionally. I refused to face being alone after this. All I wanted was to be with Amber, preferably at home.

Thankfully we were able to meet up at a gas station for me to get her. Amber gave me a good hug, and we semi-cheerfully went home. A calm evening was had.

After Amber when to bed, I set my mind on the fact that Aurora isn’t going to be born any time very soon. Accepting that leveled me off, and I knew I would keep that knowledge for days. Which is what I need. I can’t keep doing the excited – sad – happy – unhappy – high – low emotional roller coaster. It’s too much.

Just accepting that the baby isn’t coming for a while actually makes life easier and not stressful again.

I’ll tell you all about today tomorrow. Already up too late now.

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