So my annual Halloween party was a measurable success, despite having tons of left over food (next year say 6pm instead of 7pm even though no one except Allison shows up until 7pm anyway!). Six kids, seven adults. No friends, just all family and two children staying over with said family members. (My neighbors across the street are like family.)
But there were three casualties. The four older kids were playing in the family room and started throwing a football around. Three of my fairies, the original three, were hit. All lost their wings. :( The mother of two of the children pulled me aside and said the kids were all ****ing brinks back there, and tried to brace me before telling me what happened. It was an “oh no” moment, but when I walked back there the first thing I said was: “First of all, they’re just things.” And I meant it.
Just things? What??? When did my favorite fairies become “just things”? And not even a capital T! Kids cowering in the corner (literally) and hiding behind the yoga ball and just sitting on the couch looking so hurt… Yes, I wanted them to know I wasn’t screaming mad. But even after the encounter was over and I was telling my fairies I get them fixed up and kissing the first one, I still felt it.
Am I not as attached to them as I used to be? I don’t think so. Am I just tired enough still that I can’t feel strong emotions like I used to? Maybe, I’ve struggled with being distant from my emotions before. Has experiencing my Love for Amber caused a diminishing effect in comparison to my affection for the important Items in my life? I don’t know.
I’m just confused. I kinda feel bad, but it’s more that I feel like I should feel bad. I look at other things this evening that have been very important to me, and feel the same lessening of attachment. I don’t understand. Why? Yes, I care what happens to them, and to my fairies. But I’m not upset nor so sad that they’re broken. When at one point in my life I could have gone to tears over this! Or at least been very sorry for them and saddened.
I know they still matter to me. I think I’m going to go with the too tired thing.