As I Live and Learn
 

Sunday, June 10, 2007

If Dr. Seuss wrote for Star Trek: The Next Generation...

Picard:
Sigma Indri, that's the star,
So, Data, please, how far? How far?

Data:
Our ship can get there very fast
But still the trip will last and last
We'll have two days til we arrive
But can the Indrans there survive?

Picard:
LaForge, please give us factor nine.

LaForge:
But, sir, the engines are offline!

Picard:
Offline! But why? I want to go!
Please make it so, please make it so!

Riker:
But sir, if Geordi says we can't,
We can't, we mustn't, and we shan't,
The danger here is far too great!

Picard:
But surely we must not be late!

Troi:
I'm sensing anger and great ire.

Computer:
Alert! Alert! The ship's on fire!

Picard:
The ship's on fire? How could this be?
Who lit the fire?

Riker:
Not me.

Worf:
Not me.

Picard:
Computer, how long til we die?

Computer:
Eight minutes left to say goodbye.

Data:
May I suggest a course to take?
We could, I think, quite safely make
Extinguishers from tractor beams
And stop the fire, or so it seems...

Geordi:
Hurray! Hurray! You've saved the day!
Again I say, Hurray! Hurray!

Picard:
Mr. Data, thank you much.
You've saved our lives, our ship, and such.

Troi:
We still must save the Indran planet --

Data:
Which (by the way) is made of granite...

Picard:
Enough, you android. Please desist.
We understand -- we get your gist.
But can we get our ship to go?
Please, make it so, PLEASE make it so.

Geordi:
There's sabotage among the wires
And that's what started all the fires.

Riker:
We have a saboteur? Oh, no!
We need to go! We need to go!

Troi:
We must seek out the traitor spy
And lock him up and ask him why?

Worf:
Ask him why? How sentimental.
I say give him problems dental.

Troi:
Are any Romulan ships around?
Have scanners said that they've been found?
Or is it Borg or some new threat
We haven't even heard of yet?
I sense no malice in this crew.
Now what are we supposed to do?

Crusher:
Captain, please, the Indrans need us.
They cry out, "Help us, clothe us, feed us!"
I can't just sit and let them die!
A doctor MUST attempt -- MUST try!

Picard:
Doctor, please, we'll get there soon.

Crusher:
They may be dead by Tuesday noon.

*COMMERCIAL BREAK, COMMERCIAL BREAK
HOW LONG WILL THESE DUMB ADS TAKE?*

Worf:
The saboteur is in the brig.
He's very strong and very big.
I had my phaser set on stun --
A zzzip! A zzzap! Another one!
He would not budge, he would not fall,
He would not stun, no, not at all!
He changed into a stranger form
All soft and purple, round and warm.

Picard:
Did you see this, Mr. Worf?
Did you see this creature morph?

Worf:
I did and then I beat him fairly.
Hit him on the jaw -- quite squarely.

Riker:
My commendations, Klingon friend!
Our troubles now are at an end!

Crusher:
Now let's get our ship to fly
And orbit yonder Indran sky!

Picard:
LaForge, please tell me we can go...?

Geordi:
Yes, sir, we can.

Picard:
Then make it so!

Copyright © 1995 Dave Fuller.


 

Comments

David V said:
uhm... ouch...?
 

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