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Tuesday, March 13, 2007Story GameFaith: During the last weekend of February Todd and I had a talk, which lead me to an understanding that had pretty much nothing to do with why we were talking, but it's important nonetheless. He used the definition of faith while trying to explain his situation to me, something to the effect of "Faith is believing in something for which you don't have proof." And immediately I understood why I can't have it.Since I was a teenager I've envied the faith of others. When I hit my first round of doubts in religion and wondering what is right to believe. This is one of only two things I've known myself to actually feel envy for. I wanted so much to have true faith like other people. To have that strong, some even have unwavering, faith in their religion. And I've never been able to achieve it. I'm too scientific. I hadn't given up on it, because I wanted it so, but I knew it was highly unlikely because of the nature of me. But now I understand I can't have that kind of faith, because I know. I have proof of the foundations of my religion, and so there is nothing for me to have faith in. I know. Risk: I was told this past weekend that one of my biggest problems is I do not take (big) risks in my life. But of course the two people I was talking with didn't give me any examples or direction in changing that. It's hard to do something about yourself if you have no idea or means of changing what it is thought needs to be changed. The only instance in my life I have come up with where I could take a real risk in an effort to get out of this stagnation I am in, is my job. I don't say career, because I don't see my job as a career, as what I want to do for the rest of my life. I could do it, but eh. I haven't done anything about changing fields because I haven't been able to figure out what I really want to be. And the one reoccurring idea that comes to me that I'd be interested in - being a Pediatrician - would take so much time and money, that I initially wasn't willing to do it. And by the time I was ready, I felt I'd wasted so many years not doing it that now was too late if I wanted to have a family. Plus, there was that I'd become comfortable in my lifestyle. If I had gone to medical school the year after moving to MI, I'd be in my third year now, instead of looking at having to take a year (or more?) to prep and then start my first year. Each time I've thought about it in the last couple years, it's been disheartening to think of the time I could have put towards that goal of mine. So I do nothing, and then the "wasted time" gets longer, and so more disheartening. But, I'm considering it now. Because it seems people think I need to take a risk in my life, and there is nothing else currently with which to do so. And because it's clear to me something needs to change, or else I will continue on in this monotony and slowly spiral further into the uncaring being I've noticed I'm becoming. Neither of which I want. Comments
David V. said:
Faith in science is like any other faith. Even basic scientific theories are only proven by the lack of examples to the contrary. To believe that we failed dolphins might gain a truly useful understanding of any of the workings of this planetary organism, let alone influence it's evolutionary path, is an act of faith, as strong as any other. Humans ascribe actors to action by nature. To mistake a rock for a lion has much less grievous consequences than mistaking a lion for a rock, after all. The mental rigor of reinforcing an empirical world view against the pressure of this evolutionary push for spirit is as much an act of devotion to principle as any religious discipline. As for the other question... I've been at a loss for what to say about that... feeling like I'm missing some fact that would lead me to how to advise you. Meanwhile, I guess I'll settle for Chapter 74 of the New English Version of the Tao Te Ching: "If you realize that all things change, there is nothing you will try to hold on to. If you aren't afraid of dying, there is nothing you can't achieve. "Trying to control the future is like trying to take the master carpenter's place. When you handle the master carpenter's tools, chances are that you'll cut your hand." I guess I'm trying to say that, if children are your destiny, as you believe, then they will come to you in their own time, when the moment is right, independent of any industry or sloth on your part. The same goes for purpose, and happiness, and just about anything else I can think of that you might desire. Goals are fine, but life is what happens while you're making other plans.
trekker9er said:
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You misunderstood the "Faith" part. I wasn't talking about science. I was talking about God, Jesus, and the other religious things I know. Yes, life is what happens while making other plans. But almost nothing has happened to me in nearly a year. In some ways that's good, it's given me time to coast, take an awesome vacation, have been happy for a moment in time, and save some energy and money. But that is about the same amount of time I haven't been making other plans - that I haven't had anything to work towards. Life doesn't happen to me while I'm stagnated. Probably because all I do when stagnated is sit around the house and watch TV. Nothing happens when that's all you do. Only when I'm out trying to make something happen does anything in life happen for me. But I very much appreciate your input and concern! I've recently discovered it's friends like you that help me get going. -Jennifer |
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