As I Live and Learn

Thursday, June 01, 2006


This is me, in tears.

All I wanted was a vacation.

I'm considering going to work today, because why the heck should I be wasting all this time that could be used better?

All I wanted was a vacation. To be able to do what *I* wanted. To enjoy myself. To not have to go anywhere, or do anything. But NOOOOOOOOO

What do I get? Pain. Literally. And responsibility. ANd people not leaving me alone, even when I've said I don't want to have to do anything or go anywhere. And emotional agony (it sure nearly feels like right now).

Tuesday I was saying how it hadn't felt like my vacation had started yet. And it was true. I spent the weekend at NERO (which was by my choice, and was mostly decent and I had a good time with parts). But as a result of that and maybe other things, my back seized up on me to the point where I could barely move and was in so much pain there were tears before I know it and that I couldn't control. Monday was okay... mostly laying down and I got to watch X-men and X-men III, but other than that it kinda of disappeared into the ether. Tuesday I had to go to the doctor because my friends would not just let my back heal like I knew it would, one friend in particular made me go. So I blew time on that, and then while there had a tetanus shot that has been causing my shoulder MUCH pain these last two days, I can't even lie on my side because of it, and is supposed to last several days more. Also Tuesday was my ADT install, which was annoying at times because the technician was too social when his attention wasn't completely on the alarm system, and because I was trying to be nice so when he called (and woke me up) to come early because he had a cancellation in his schedule I told him okay. But he ended up staying to about 4pm, leaving when I left for the doctors appointment but coming back. Then Kevin came over because I had made plans with him to see a movie, and he took me out to dinner which started to make things feel like a vacation. We didn't go to the movie because I just wanted to go home and be on vacation.

I stayed up until 4:30 - 5am, which was nice. Naive me thinking finally my vacation was happening. I was woken up in the morning by the grounds crew talking outside my window, and then the mowing started. So Wednesday started out crappy. I did get to do my own thing for a while, and had a nice one and a half hour phone call with Jim. I even managed to fall back asleep for an hour or so at one point. But then I had to go out to my standing Wednesday plans. I REALLY wanted to cancel, but I felt bad because the parents have two children and a new baby and apparently I'm one of their only three breaks from that. (The other two being one of them gets to go out to work, and the other once a week gets to go out golfing.) They've told me I'm practically their only life, outside of kids. That and it was so close time wise it felt like being a bad friend to cancel so late. And it turns out if I had cancelled no one else who wqas supposed to show up would have either. Some friends they've got (but that's a whole other rant that I've done before).

Last night I stayed up until about 2am, because I was too tired for any more. This morning I'm woken up just after 8 by my new ADT panel ringing because of an incoming phone call. I had all my ringers off or set to low so they wouldn't wake me up, but apparently the alarm panel thinks it's a phone too. *!@#$#@#$@*#!

I have to go out today too, because plans have been made from last week. I've already decided not to go to Friday game because ALL I WANT IS A VACATION, dammit! I think I'm calling off going out to the casino today too. I mean, I actually wanted to go to the casino, but it feels like I just can't get people to leave me alone, they keep bothering me. So perhaps it's time to take a stand and tell the world to f-off (not that I use that kind of language) and leave me alone. And I can't think of any other way to salvage what little (oh so little) is left of my alleged vacation.

But then again, damn ADT has to come back to put a DSL filter on my line (which I told him I needed, and was supposed to be on the work order according to the owner of the branch company I had talked to). I also called this morning to have someone come over to turn off the ringing when my phone rings. I'm so pissed at this whole week so far that I might just make them take the system out and stuff their three year contract if they can't turn it off.

Overall, this vacation has been crappy so far. I'm losing sleep. I'm supposed to be sleeping as much as I want, but that's SO not happening. At this point I might settle for as much as I need, but that too seems to be a dream (heh). I've only gotten ONE little thing done from my list of what I wanted to do. And one done that wasn't on my list; which was figure out how to do thumbnail images for the picture pages on the NERO Detroit website.

Sucky, crappy, lousy, rotten, stinking, crappy, sucky week.


Please don't call me. Why can't I just have my vacation? Is that so much to ask?

*cries again*



vosch_karanek said:
I am glad I decided to check the live journal so I could understand why you cancelled without explanation... not that you would have needed to give me one... but I am just glad it wasn't anything I had done per se'. (You know the way my imagination runs rampet without facts.) I just hope you realize that I know even an "Angel" needs time to fold up her wings and escape the pressures of the world. That being said I also hope you know that I fully understand why you cancelled and would hope you realize that I would have understood had you told me. Besides, I have a sneaking suspicion the casino isn't going anywhere soon and it is a long summer... *grins*.

I hope the last two days (or 4 if you count Saturday and Sunday) provide you with the recharging energy you need... and please, and this should go without saying, even though right now I know what you truly need is "nothing but peace and quiet", if you need anything at all... all you have to do is call and I will be there. Don't ponder why or try to understand, just feel confidant that it will happen of at all possible.

C-Ya Tuesday... *hugs--but not too tightly*

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