As I Live and Learn

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Thursday Night's Dream Continued

So, where was I. Oh yeah. School room, quiz, uppity girl.

During the last break between taking the quiz (perhaps it should be called a test by this point), the girl and I were at each other. I don't quite remember why we were verbally fighting, or was it more like just sniping at each other? Either way, near the end of it we were arguing over a piece of clothing. We both thought it was great, and both really wanted it, but there was only one. It was lying on a table that was against one wall of the classroom, but hanging partially down over the front side. I was looking at it and her while we argued. Then we both went to grab it, and each got a hand on it. I noticed as we pulled it off the table that it was a long shirt. As she started to try and pull it away I decided to let her have it, so I let go. She turned her back towards me, as if she thought she had successfully pulled it from my hand and was protecting it from me. I spitefully told her she could have it. Her head snapped around to look at me, surprise on her face. It was clear she was confused that I suddenly didn't want it. I think she asked me "why?" I know I told her, "it's yellow." Which it was. My obvious point to her was that no one looks good in yellow, so of course I didn't want it. She looked down at the shirt in her hands with disappointment. I started to turn away from her, smugness in me because I knew she wouldn't want it now and because I knew I can pull of wearing yellow.

After the last part of the test, I went to the bathroom to put on my new clothing. It turned out to be a light cream color and reached part way down my thighs, just long enough to cover everything it needed to, but it was open in the front from neck to bottom and laced close. Laced closed not like shoes or bodices, but like the top of ice skates or hiking boots where the laces have to be wrapped around the open on one side metal holder things. And they went from top to bottom. I took the laces that came with it and laced closed the part over my bra first. Then I looked down at myself and realized the next part had to be over my panties, even though I was wearing the pretty white lacy ones. As I was getting that part laced closed a man poked his head in, and while it wasn't my father in real life, he was my father in the dream. He, of course, told me my outfit wasn't acceptable. I liked it though, I thought it showed off everything I wanted it to when laced as I had it then, though I (in my dream) would have liked to have shown some of the underwear.

The next chunk of time was spent trying to figure out how to lace the outfit up properly. I tried a few different ways with the lacing I had. One even had me with it somehow over my head. I don't exactly remember.

Finally I either gave up or got it the way I wanted it. I headed out. It being over a day since this dream I have know forgotten this transition of the dream. So, something happens, and I with my handful of walking sticks in my left hand - each a different height, of course, so I have the right size for whatever occurrence - am walking along in my new outfit out to... do something.

I walk into a carnival of some sorts. There's lots of people around, booths to buy stuff at, and plenty of things to do. I walk along, saying pleasantries to people, glancing at things, talking briefly with people I recognize, and whatnot. As I'm passing by the last booth on my right before a wide walkway, the left was an open field for either a show or animal rides or something, someone makes a comment in my direction. I see couple people talking to each other just off to one side of the table. Behind the table a couple feet there was a stack of stuff that was taller than the table. But I keep walking with my many walking sticks in my hands but only using one. Something was said by someone definitely to me this time, I think I replied and then someone said something else, or else it was just that one first thing that was said. Either way, I turn back to look and see a little animal (can't remember now if it was a cat or a dog) was sitting up on a pillow like thing on top of the stack of presumably boxes, and I say to it something to the effect of "oh, so you know me?" or "oh, do you know me" with a tone indicating of course it/he doesn't. Suddenly the animal's eyes change, one to solid black and one to solid white. I recoil because I know who those eyes belong to, and realize that the animal is a dangerous enemy taken on a different form. A couple other people noticed either the eye change or my reaction of fear, and wonder what's wrong. I know I know the enemy's name, so I tell them it. The first name that came to my mind in my dream was Voldemort.

At this point I'm told by the GM, Daniel, that my mind is being attacked or asks something to the effect of am I going to let him in. I of course say no. I am told to roll, because the enemy is going to attempt to take it over my mind. So I turn away and get my dice. I have a bunch of six-sided ones, and am about to roll them when I realized I'm supposed to be using ten-sided for this game system! The player sitting near me confirms I am right in my realization. So get out ten-sided dice, but I don't know how many to roll. I look for my character sheet to see what skill I need to use and how much of it I have. The player next to me finds the sheet first and hands it to me, then leans over to look at it and tell me how many to roll because he finds it on the sheet before I do. The GM announces the enemy rolled a something in the 50's I think. Maybe it was in the 60's or 80's, I really don't remember. I do remember that I do the quick math of four ten-sided dice and know I've already lost even before I roll because the best I could possibly do is a 40. I did roll high on all four dice, but instead of counting up my roll I just decided to call out 38! Hoping that if I say it with enough conviction maybe I will be successful. But of course that's not how rpgs work.

So the evil enemy has totally control of me. We go back into game, which means the dream going back to as it was before the rpg changed things. Even to me at the time, or at least right after waking up, the next part is very fuzzy. Likely as a result of my not actually being in control of myself or my mind. Some threat that had come against the... village? School? Carnival? All of the above?... was defeated by my body and some extra powers from the one controlling me.

It was then a fight to regain myself, but I finally did. Given this next part I have no clue how I did it. Maybe I didn't win a fight, maybe the enemy let me go, I don't know. But when I regain control I am down on my hands and knees, my head bent towards the ground. The enemy hasn't left, and is in fact surrounding me as a dark cloud-like apparition. But with some solidness as I can feel it pressed against me from the top and all sides and all around my arms and top of my head, but not against my chest or stomach or face. It wasn't a hurtful pressure, more like a tight hug. It felt as good as a hug too, except for the sinister feeling that went along with it.

The enemy spoke to me either in my ears or in my head. I don't remember anymore all that was said, but it was trying to regain control of me with me being willing for it to have control. I was certain that I wouldn't be able to fight it off if it tried to forcibly take over again, especially since it had already done so once. But I tried to not let on that. I answered everything it said to me. And when it indicated it would take me over again I told it "no." I knew immediately it was going to do so anyway. I had just vocally exerted my will, but I wasn't going to be able to back that up. As it was about to take me over again I started to beg don't, and then appended an emotional please. It stopped momentarily, but was tighter against me than before. It said or asked something short, the tone of it still being toying and menacing. I replied in slightly more than a whisper "not today." Echoing me, "Not today?" it asked me. It sounded like I might actually be able to get it away from me, so I replied something like "Yes, please." It then asked, "Tomorrow?" hopefully or in a we're-making-a-deal kind of way. I really wanted to say not tomorrow either. I sort of wanted to 'say not tomorrow, not ever', but I knew that wasn't going to happen. I briefly thought about asking for not tomorrow either, but didn't want to push my luck. So all I said in reply was "Not today." I don't recall it saying any more, but it agreed, let go of me, and left.

I was a little unsteady at first after I got up, for a little while it felt like I was a bit shaky on the inside. A bunch of the older children and young teens around rushed up to me and started going on and on. I had saved everyone and they were so impressed. One of them asked me to come meet her family. I was introduced with pride, since we were classmates, to the family, who also thanked me. I felt like since I actually hadn't done anything because I hadn't been in control, I didn't deserve any of the accolades nor that I was any better than anyone else there. But I didn't say that, I didn't know what to say or how. So instead I bowed deep to each adult to indicate I was not more important than any of them. I was then taken around by other students to meet their families. I did the same with each of them. There was one family in particular I remember that didn't treat me as a hero of some sort like the others. I think they disliked me because I was a hero, the mother gave me an unhappy look and I think an off hand comment I don't remember. I bowed anyways but not as respectfully.

Finally I was let alone to do as I please. I looked around to find my sticks, which some were retrieved for me and some I gathered up. As I start to leave I looked at them, as they were long containers made of bark with dozens of thing sticks inside them. In one of the holders a couple sticks were sticking out from the rest. I tried to push one in to discover it was actually longer than the others. I pull it out because it was in the wrong stick holder, it needed to be in the one that was the next length up. I put it in the one where it fits, and notice there are a handful of sticks in the wrong containers. So I set them all down, there were three or four holders that had formerly been my walking sticks but were now long wood containers that held thin sticks, and start sorting and organizing them into their correct holders by length.

Which is when the dream fades and I wake up.

Posted by: trekker9er : 8:12 PM

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