Finished watching “The Martian” tonight. Started it on Oct. 3rd. Continued it on Oct. 7th. Got about 1 minute past the “7 months later” part and called it quits. Then picked the movie back up today (Mar. 9) and managed to finish it.
I sold the convertible crib today. *sad pout* I don’t have any more babies….
The buyer at the store commented on how nice the crib was despite it’s age (9 years), how it was well made and whatnot. She remembered seeing it at Babies-R-Us. I replied, “That’s where it came from!” and “Oh yes. My Mom bought it. Only the best for her grand-baby.” And I then of course had to point out that the crib mattress was a 25 year warranted one, which Mom bought intentionally, and I had been like “25 year mattress? For a baby?!?”
And that was the trigger for today. Put me in “stage 3″ as Marlon described it. Sucking my pout lip in and out as I cried behind the wheel of my car. (I was parked for the bulk of it.)
Watched Fuller House and cried today (2 episodes, last ep of 4th season and 1st ep of series, cried during both). It was good. A needed cry. Not so much cathartic. More like sweet memories that remind of the loss.
I can feel my brain starting to rewire. Changing back towards optimism and calm from grief and anger. It’s only a matter of time now.
Update 01/17/19: I’m much closer to being back to who I was than who I’d become after October. But there’s definitely one new jaded (Merriam-Webster definition not Dictionary.com definition) piece to me that ain’t going away.