Plan D has been revoked. I will simply be trying to make it through the rest of the semester with an A- average. There will be no attending Medical school for the Fall of 2019 for me. It will have to be 2020.
Any suggestions of what I can do during the dreaded “gap year” will be entertained starting May 25th.
> Alice Dancler: I wish you lived closer! I wish I could help!
Thank you. There’s really nothing anyone can do to help. There simply isn’t enough time given my current mental-emotional state. It’s taking me so much more effort to get non-kid things done. Sitting at the end of class trying to make sense of the stuff the professor just said because I’m not grasping meaning or connections like I usually do. Because things aren’t sticking like they used to do. To force myself to keep paying attention to reading or homework because my ability to concentrate is shot. To force myself through the not-caring about school work because I know I used to care about this stuff and I know I will care again someday. It’s just so much more effort, and there isn’t any room to give me the extra time I need to push through the mental cloud.
One of my advisors is recommending I drop a class as well as having given up on plan D. I’m so far into the semester, I don’t want to. It’d be such a waste of time and money and the effort I have put in so far. But I don’t know if it’d do more harm or more good to keep all my current classes.
For the fourth day in a row: I’m hungry, I want to eat, but there’s nothing here I want to eat. I don’t even know what I want to eat. I’m just hungry. And I don’t want any of this stuff. Not even the candy or junk food.
Even when to the grocery store this morning and bought bunches of food. Still nothing I want to eat right now.
You can be selfish, you can put the spotlight on yourself a fair amount of the time, and still be a good person… right?
Found out on Friday there’s 2 less weeks for plan D than I expected.
Just watched a middle age white woman get off a bus and chase down a black man because he left his phone on the bus.
Orgo Chem leveled up this past Wednesday and nearly broke my brain. Friday wasn’t much better. I just got caught up today on all the Orgo Chem stuff I was behind on due to my Mom and then my Goddaughter passing. Have to learn this new more advanced stuff by Tuesday afternoon’s exam time…. Possible? Maybe.
Oh yeah, and there’s those 2 other classes I’m taking (1 had mid-term exam last week, the other has an exam this Friday morning), and the 2 low key lab / seminars.
Medical School application? *long sad face* Not even half as far along as it needs to be.
Plan D, fleshed out today, is going into effect. Dear God, please let me not need a plan WTF. Or is Plan D already that?
Mm it tastes like happiness.
Too bad I can’t feel that too.
Just have to keep tasting it,
that is the best I can do.
(For the record, my favorite soup is butternut squash without pepper. Panera Bread’s Autumn Squash Soup is also it.)
*deep breath* Okay, here we go.
3 funerals in 2 weeks.
4 funerals in 5 months.
5 funerals in 1 year.
Okay 2018, you can be over now. I’ll give up this Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Winter snow. Let’s jump right to 2019 and stop decimating (literal use of that word, it’s pretty accurate) my family.